Bumper Fillers For My Heart

"Seat Safety Switch" (seat-safety-switch) 11/13/2015 at 11:33 • Filed to: oldsmobile, g-body, dodge ram, divco

4

16

My former coworker, who we’ll call G-Body Dave for the purposes of entertainment, was getting rid of his unwanted ‘82 Cutlass Supreme. I could think of nothing more mint than a gorgeous Oldsmobile steelie, rolling endlessly down a road, its crimson centre-cap crown jewel glittering in the moonlight. I had to have it.

Stepping out of my restored Divco replica milk truck, I listened as the superchargers spun down and the exhaust rattled its last cough of unburnt fuel into the atmosphere. Dave’s front lawn was a lot nicer than I had remembered it being in the past, I thought, crossing quickly to the side gate that would lead me to his backyard workshop and my future Cutlass.

When I stepped into the garage, though, something was wrong. My coworker laid dead on the floor. A Harbour Freight “Earthquake” impact gun laid next to his prone body, reeking of exploded clutch and burnt DC motor windings. More worryingly, the Cutlass Supreme was gone. I felt the pangs of loss.

I walked out of his garage into the alley. Kneeling, I studied the tire marks in the dirt lane, groping for clues. Cheap all seasons. The smell of an overrich exhaust. Wait. Something else in the air. High nitrates. A modern turbodiesel was recently here. I sniffed the air some more. Hmm. 1996 Dodge Ram, Cummins, hint of bad rings on the number seven cylinder. A fine vintage.

As I was returning to the Divco, I heard the sirens approaching. Sounds like Mr. Dodge Ram had been noticed by Dave’s neighbors, or maybe it was the strange unshaven guy smelling rust flakes in the alley next to a murder scene. Either way, I wasn’t sticking around. The milk truck seemed to anticipate my need for an expedient removal from the situation, and fired on the first crank, obediently leaping to action as I floored the throttle and spun its fat drag meats all the way through second gear.

Opposite Locksmith > Seat Safety Switch 11/13/2015 at 11:55

0

Wtf did I just read

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Seat Safety Switch 11/13/2015 at 11:57

2

supercharged drag Divco

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Opposite Locksmith 11/13/2015 at 12:04

2

Fiction. Unfortunately.

Opposite Locksmith > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 11/13/2015 at 12:07

1

I'd hope it's fiction. Would be worried if you told us your friend died like this

Seat Safety Switch > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 11/13/2015 at 12:13

0

Twin supercharged.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Opposite Locksmith 11/13/2015 at 12:14

5

I’m not the author. Whoever Seat Safety Switch is, this is his thing - deranged Jalop-minded flash fiction. IT’S WHAT HE DOES. THAT’S ALL HE DOES

vondon302 > Seat Safety Switch 11/13/2015 at 12:18

1

Seat safety switch needs to write a book. I’d buy it over Demurros book any day.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Seat Safety Switch 11/13/2015 at 12:20

1

Sequential, or one per bank? I’d like to assume a mid-mounted pre-war marine V12 Lycoming with two crank-style superchargers side by side in a special cast aluminum nosing case, each feeding one bank.

Seat Safety Switch > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 11/13/2015 at 12:31

0

One per bank, like an old Aston Martin. I had assumed small-block Chevy but custom marine blocks turn my crank in a way that I find confusing at this vulnerable point in my mental development.

But I really like where you’re coming from with this and I think I want to read your book.

Seat Safety Switch > vondon302 11/13/2015 at 12:32

1

I bought DeMuro’s book, so by the transitive property it would be like you actually bought both of our books.

vondon302 > Seat Safety Switch 11/13/2015 at 12:41

1

Damn I got busted again.

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > Seat Safety Switch 11/13/2015 at 15:44

3

Bruh, Cummins only have 6 cylinders in Rams.

Seat Safety Switch > Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies 11/13/2015 at 15:56

1

Shit.

Frank Grimes > Seat Safety Switch 11/13/2015 at 17:06

0

Where can I buy that car? I think those things are really good looking and want a pristine example for a daily driver/mod it into a hot rod while looking totally stock.

Seat Safety Switch > Frank Grimes 11/13/2015 at 18:05

0

I’d like to know too! I’d make the nastiest little road-course Cutlass.

Frank Grimes > Seat Safety Switch 11/14/2015 at 01:25

0

word.